Hey Tumby..
I haven’t been telling you what I felt and going through recently.. Well I’m sorry. Anyway, I met a girl, an awesome girl. Technically, I knew her since primary school. I swear to God I didn’t know how it happen but I fell for her. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart, she is the first girl I ever really love. And she is malay. You know how much I hate my own race. She was different, unique and special. A month with her and it seems it has been like eternity. I can never tell you how happy I am with her. In the morning or night, she is just there to put a smile on my face. But did I ever made her smile?
To her, I did without even trying. How can that be possible? I tried. And I tried. To be as good as other guys. I just can’t provide happiness for her. As much as I am restricted to do so, I still tried. I won’t tell you what she did that made my life so much better cause it doesn’t mean anything now. Sorry Tumby, once again..
Tumby.. You know I am not smart or am I like any other guys. Why do I always fall in love? I hate to fall in love, I swear. And after many tries and this.. I won’t ever let myself to follow my feelings and care for someone else. Look what it did to me this past few years? It just bring me down everytime when they bring me up to my feet. I have to say maybe she just set me to the right path afterall. Now I have something to thing about other than someone to share my life with.
The past few days, it’s been torturous for me everynight in camp. Sleeping with tears, waking up with nightmares. I just have to find something meaningful to do in life. So I made my decision, I have to stop this. I will not love someone other than my family, my true friends and to love what I enjoy doing. Photography. I might not be using you anymore. I just want to keep my feelings and thoughts in a book. Pictures of her, I will paste it there just to share you about her. That’s only the memory I won’t let go. Other than that, I will share my feelings on the picture I take for that day. It’s like a diary, I guess? Haha. If this makes me happy, why not?
And and lastly, now is Ramadan. Tuesday is going to be a great day. NDP 2011! After that President Election I am deployed, Hari Raya in a few weeks time and I will be free from the worse place to be.. I might be starting to studies for O’s and my mum finally agreed for me to take my motorbike license. Alhamdulilah. So yeah, this is the end Tumby.. I won’t be seeing you for now. All the best aites? <3
Baby, I’m sorry for being and sound lazy in everything I do. But I hope you know I don’t mean it. Too bad for me you always catch me being lazy whenever I’m with you. Deep down, I’m giving you my best. I wish you could see that. I don’t want this to be a one-side relationship. And I know I’m not as good as some other guys. I’ll change, I promise.
I might make a new Tumblr soon! Gonna snap pictures and upload it there!
Cobra Starship: You Make Me Feel (feat. Sabi) (LYRIC VIDEO) (by FueledByRamen)
via miss-robyn
Chalk Board theme
